


Toxic

by sau_d_ad_e



Series: Toxic [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: #1 Dad, Abuse, Alexander has a bad past, Alexander is emotionally unstable, Alexanders a whore, Angelica is best mom friend, Anxiety, Burr is a creep, But warms up to her, Drinking, Eliza cares abt alexander, F/F, George is the calmest man in history, John has a bad past, John is pure but has problems, Just let the boys be happy, Laf and herc are good parents but are gross, Lots of Angst, M/M, Maria really cares, Panic Attacks, Peggy is autistic and loves her girlfriend, Rape, Self Harm, Sex, Suicide Attempts, Thomas has a god complex, Thomas is an asshole, Trans Character, but not really?, eliza hates Maria, ftm character, king George is gay, lots of fluff, lots of texting, trans alexander
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 06:50:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sau_d_ad_e/pseuds/sau_d_ad_e
Summary: Alexander and John are just trying to have a nice life and a good relationship.Life likes to break people.





	Toxic

And so Alexander found himself laying in bed again, tears in his eyes as he laid in the hazy light of morning. His head pounded. ‘Never let me drink again.’ it was something that once he had told John, but not John wasn’t there to stop him. 

Not this time.

Alexander, despite his hangover pulled himself out of bed. He put on his binder and hoodie, tying his hair back into a loose ponytail. He had shoved a few things into his backpack. His phone, charger, headphones, journal, meds, a knife. Just what he thought he would need for a while. 

And he left. His last words spoke to anyone was to John and was just a text saying ‘sorry.’  
Alexander left group chats, changed his name on messenger, and while he would read the text’s his boyfriend would send him, he felt too sick to reply.

He felt just..awful.

He made his way through town before anyone might think to look for him. He bought himself a drink and something to eat before walking to the outskirts of the town. He sits by the train tracks, staring as he eats his food. He crumpled the wrapper before throwing it out to the tracks and stood. He felt like when he was a teen again, going to the tracks with George and balancing as he walked. And so he repeated history, except this time alone.

The wind blew cold against Alexander, making his cheeks and nose rosey, and he sniffed. He took his phone from his pocket, putting on a playlist of music he had saved and plugging in his headphones. 

“Just stop your crying it’s a sign of the times,”

He trips, falling hard against the rocky ground. The sting against his skin was nice, but he sucked in a breath as he clenched his fists, standing back up and rubbing the dirt and small pebbles off his knees. 

“Welcome to the final show,”

The sound of a train went almost unheard as Alexander quickly moved out of the way, watching as it flew by with high speed, holding himself as the wind whipped past him. He walked the same way as the train, staring up to the sky, stiffening when he felt a drop of rain his the skin of his cheek. 

 

“Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets?”

The rain falls onto Alexander harshly, already drenching Alexander in almost no time. His walk sped into a run, running across the tracks and quickly under trees. It almost seemed like running away made no difference if he still knew where he was. He wanted to get away though, knowing that no matter where he was, it wouldn’t make him forget. 

“Just stop your crying It's a sign of the times”

And the tears rolled down his cheeks, mixing with the cold drops of rain. He thought back to the past few weeks. All the shit that had happened, all the pain, and hurt. All the happiness and love. All of it meshed together into a bittersweet flavour in Alexander’s mouth. 

“We gotta get away from here”

Alexander wants to leave, he doesn’t want to be around the people in his past. Not John, not Aaron, not George, not Thomas, not anyone. But he needed something. He needed someone.  
Alexander would for sure die on his own. He had to think about what he would do. 

“They told me that the end is near we gotta get away from here”

While sure, he could just lay down and die, he could just let himself rot out in the woods somewhere alone. He could go crazy like that. But why. Alexander hated his life sometimes, sure. He has made a lot of bad decisions and he’s tried to die before. But why?   
It wasn’t what he wanted. He just wanted to hurt and to be away from everyone. At least until he felt better.

“Breaking through the atmosphere and things are pretty good from here”

The rain seemed to calm down, only now gently pouring, causing a soothing atmosphere to his thoughts. He stared forward blankly, still walking. It wasn’t until he turned toward a dead end road that connects to the tracks that he takes out his phone again, using his hand to cover the screen keeping water off it. 

He stopped the music, settling to just listen to the rain instead as he walked. He recognized this neighbourhood, not knowing anyone who lived down it, but knowing it was there from exploring the town. 

The end of the street that turned to another neighbourhood had Alexander pause to think about what direction to go. The outcome being a right turn as he looked at the houses he passed. Where would he go? He thought about angelica, knowing that she would tell everyone immediately, couldn’t go to John, he couldn’t go home.

Then he considered the people who hated him. The people who weren’t his friends. James and Thomas. The two of them struck fear into his heart. But maybe. Maybe out of wanting to hurt the other people that Alexander loved. Maybe out of some strange agreement. Alexander could stay with one of them without them telling anyone. As much as he hated the thought of being around either of them, a part of him felt calmed by it. 

He knew it would hurt, he knew it wouldn’t be good at all. And strangely, that’s what put him at ease. Alexander’s thoughts were all blended together into some conglomeration of fear, sadness, and calm. 

He knows where James lives. Knew it pretty well. And it was close. Too close. When Alexander turned the corner to James’ street his thoughts shut off, his hands shook, his fists clenched, nails dug into his palms. 

And there was the door, he lightly beat his knuckle against the wood. One, two, three. Then we wait. And then-

“What do you want?” The voice was cold, hoarse, low, like he had gravel in his throat. Alexander looked up, eyes tired and somber. With one hand, his pushed stray hair out of his face. 

“I need to make a compromise.”


End file.
